Small Change for 2011

2011. I can already tell that I hate saying it. "Twenty-Eleven". Really? Five whole syllables to state the date? As if everyone isn't already aware of what year it is anyway. I miss 2010 already. 2012 won't be so bad, but then it's downhill from there through 2017.. and then 2027 will be especially brutal. It'll take so much time to state the date that we won't get anything done!

My first new year's resolution is to drop the preceding "twenty" when I state the date. From now on, it's just "Eleven".

My second new year's resolution is to buy more soapboxes, as I seem to be running out. Or perhaps my older sister just keeps confiscating them. She seems to think she can submit my app to Hoarders because I have so many.

What is it about a new year that gets people so excited? I don't ask that question as though I don't get excited myself; just curious about the reasoning behind it. I conducted a scientific sampling of facebook posts this morning, and it seemed that nearly every single person who commented on the new year seemed to think it would be 'happy'. I decided to investigate further.

Turns out that people like new, fresh beginnings. We revel in the notion that our past insufficiencies, short-comings, indiscretions, vices, and failures can be a thing of the past. Forgotten. Undone, forgiven, overcome.

Every new year rings in the possibility that we will finally be the person we WANT to be, no longer just the person we are.

This post can take one of two directions. I think I'm veering a little toward the cynical route. Put down the credit card- don't pay up front for a year-long gym membership just yet! Think carefully about what you are doing. Statistics prove, prove that you've, statistically, got a very small chance of actually carrying out your New Year's resolutions. Ask people who regularly go to a gym when they can finally breathe a sigh of relief that the noobs aren't coming to the gym anymore. They'll tell you late February, early March. Most people eventually lose steam. Do you even remember your resolution from last year? It's a difficult task to keep that resolution or those resolutions at the forefront of your mind for a whole year.

I have a little book called "Small Change" that I pick up every now and then. Anyone who has read my blogs in their entirety knows by now that I am (and recognize that I am) all-or-nothing. If I set out to do something, one failure can completely derail me for good. New Year's resolutions for me are more of a temporary recognition of what I'm doing wrong and what needs to change, than an effective way of actually making me change. I make jokes about my resolutions, even make light of resolutions in general, but that's because my true list of resolutions is so cliched that I don't like to share it. And, by saying that, I've essentially shared what they are. Eat right, exercise more, blah blah..

Here's the basic root problem with having a list of resolutions: they're a list.

This book, "Small Change", is all about training a person to get used to the concept of change, making changing a state of being. Here's the basic premise of the book: feel free to make a list of things you want to change about yourself. As long a list as you want. But only commit to changing one thing at a time. It takes an average of 21 times to make something a habit. If you want to create a new daily habit, you, in theory, would have it down in 21 days. However, if you want to exercise 3 times a week, it will take you seven weeks to solidify that habit. If you want to quit drinking a pop when you eat out, you'll have to commit to getting that water the next 21 times you go out. You get it.

So how does this work? Rank the items on your list in order of importance to you. Then, and this is the most difficult part for me, do them ONE AT A TIME. Some of them might come in conjunction with the first one you work on, but the key is to not focus on the others just yet. If you try to do all of them at once, you WILL fail. It is extremely tempting to try to do more than one at a time, but just remember that the best approach is one at a time.

Once you have established one habit, start on the next one while maintaining the first. It won't feel that difficult, though, because the first one will already be a habit. Once you feel that the second one has become a habit, begin working on the third. There. You have begun a lifestyle in which change is a constant. Exciting, isn't it? And much easier to maintain than starting off the year with 12 resolutions and forgetting all of them.

One other downfall I have is that my resolutions are usually specific, yes, but also quite daunting. For example: "Quit sugar". Well. It's more specific than, say, "Eat better", but it's probably not doable from the get-go. So here's my second piece of advice: when making your list of resolutions, make graduated steps for as many of them as you can. Let's use exercising for an example. Your goal may be to get to the point that you exercise 6-7 days a week for an hour, but if you expect to start out that way, you're doomed to angry muscles and epsom salt soaks and failure. So apply the rule of habitual change. Step one: walk for at least 30 minutes twice a week. According to the rule of 21, you would have to do this for at least ten weeks before you can consider it a true habit, but if you feel like walking a third time in the week starting at around week 3, there's no reason that you can't. The important thing is that you have to stick with your original goal, walking twice a week, until it isn't something you really have to remember to do because it's a habit. Then at that time you can re-evaluate. Maybe during the time that you established the walking habit, you found that you were able to go four times a week easily, but now you would really like to spend more of that time jogging. Maybe you want to jog instead of walk at least one day a week. These are just examples, I'm not saying this is the actual approach you should take. But I think you get my point: make sure that if you have resolutions that are not doable in one step, you have them broken down into mini-goals that are within reach. This eliminates the frustration and feeling of failure that comes with not accomplishing something on the first try.

One other point to remember: the rule of 21 is just a guideline. The true way to tell if something is a habit is when you do it without thinking because it's just part of your routine. If you are still struggling with one of your changes and finding that you're forgetting to do it as often as you originally intended, now is not the time to move on to the next step. Stick with your original doable goal until you feel satisfied that you have changed.

Finally, a warning. It takes around 21 times to establish a good habit, but only an average of 3 times to establish a bad one. If you miss three workouts in a row, for example, you have lost the momentum you started out with and you're going to have to really struggle to find it again. You go on vacation and eat horribly for 5 days in a row, it might take a full 21 days before you feel as though you have control over your diet again.

Keep this all in mind, and you WILL cross everything off your list! Good luck to each and every one of you! I wish you the best for 2011. Err.. for '11, I mean.

*Guess I should add that "Small Change" is written by Larry and Susan Terkel. Thanks, Wendy.