Inner views

If someone walked up to me on the street and offered me $200 to write a cover letter, they'd get a straight up "NOPE" followed by a hasty "Good day." but I'd only add that part because that's just polite. Is there anything worse than writing one of those things? Unless you just said "having someone toss a bit of moldy cheese in your mouth every time you sneeze", the answer is no; there is nothing worse than writing one of those things.

I'm from the upper midwest, where people are highly sensitive to bragging. Modesty is not just a trait, it's mandatory for citizenship. In fact, my cousin used to finish up every sentence with "no bragging" for fear of being perceived as too full of herself. "I think this skirt is a little too long, no bragging."

Actually, that was Heather who did that. I want to say she was just being a dolt. But I'm not sure.. we ARE extremely sensitive to bragging up in these parts.

This makes resumes and cover letters and job interviews very tricky.

We can't just be straightforward about what we're good at. We might be an expert in our field, but if a potential employer gets wind that we're bragging about it (i.e. putting it on our resume), there's a chance that the bragging and the expertise will wash, and then we have nothing to show for ourselves. The humility of which might actually make us an attractive candidate. See? Very tricky indeed.

So, me? I just shoot for middle of the road. Here's a sneak peek at my noteworthy skills/abilities:

-highly mediocre in demonstrating leadership
-Occasionally called upon to resolve medium to averagely hard problems
-detail-oriented, but I make mistakes too
-prepare documentation that may or may not be helpful to anyone else
-self-sufficient, but humble about it

Ughh, interviews are brutal. I have never been in a confessional, but I imagine that it's a similar feeling. I feel transparent, hollow, filled with self-loathing.. and I'm supposed to convince someone that I'm remotely qualified to work for them in that condition? Every person who has ever hired me has told me that they were on the fence about me based on how they perceived me in the interview. I'm always too reserved, too withdrawn, too difficult to engage... gimme a break, it's an interview! I'm in my dark place!

In all seriousness, interviews do tend to fill me with self-loathing. I find myself in a post-interview funk for days. It's hard to explain, especially to someone like my brother who goes on interviews for fun. Some people actually enjoy them. I can hardly fathom that. After an interview, my mind relentlessly regurgitates all of my painfully awkward answers to questions I didn't fully understand, and the more I re-think it, the more syrupy and pretentious those answers start to sound in my head. My perception of their reaction to those answers shifts and I start to remember slightly sinister signs, a faint sneer, a subtle scoff, a shifty glance at the clock, an overly cheerful "Well, thanks for coming in!" followed by a hasty eye-roll to the co-interviewer probably not intended for me to notice. Or was there anything to really notice at all? Am I imagining all of it??

I'm not kidding when I say that interviews are my dark place.

In other news, I'm currently working on my resume. Tomorrow is the deadline to apply for a job that I think I'm at least halfway qualified for, but I have yet to finish my resume or my cover letter. I haven't quite convinced myself that they would even grant me an interview, so I'm finding it difficult to want to stay up late and rack my brain for the perfect phrases to touch up my resume and finish this cover letter.

And that's precisely why I feel like I never have any open doors, career-wise.

Insert short but meaningful and effective pep talk to self here. Follow up with cute token phrase that seems like it means something really profound, doesn't really mean anything at all, but uplifts and encourages nonetheless.

Well, I feel so much better now. Guess I better get back to that cover letter, now that I have a brighter outlook on it and life, among other things.

Groan.